Martial Arts and The Cranky Gander

It's egg-laying and mating season for the geese, and boy are they pissy. No more warning hisses, they charge straight at your pantlegs, chomping at whatever they can grab. And don't you dare run away, no sir! They take that as an admission of your weakness, and will double their charges the next time you come around. Well!

Sometimes standing still and staring them down is enough to stop them before they land a good bite. If not, additional tactics are required.

Aikido: deflection. Reach down and push the gander away at the chest to either the left or the right, and continue to do so until he tires. Pros: you get to give them a pet. Cons: it pisses them off even more, and you may have to employ a secondary deflection move if they get a beak-hold of your arm (ouch!). Best to have both hands free in case you get a double charge from both ganders, aka "randori".

Krav Maga: direct confrontation. Step forward, and spread your arms out like wings to make you seem like a bigger goose. If attitude and intimidation doesn't work, bend over and envelope the gander in a full restraining hug. Pros: you get to hug a goose. Cons: you'll go deaf from all the squawking, and possibly receive a wing beating upside the head.

You must carefully yet quickly decide on what tactic to use, as the ganders give no second chances. I never thought I'd have to use my old martial arts skills on geese.


  1. If it's breeding season, maybe you need to make your pants legs look less goose-like! Sounds like...um...fun!

  2. Great photo! What beautiful, even if cranky, birds you have. Hugging an angry goose? You must have some serious chops...

  3. I've come to the conclusion there is no hope for you. lol. Hugging a goose? How about a leg kick? That's what I use on the Tom Turkeys and Ganders. Unlike you, I value my eyesight. ;)

    Whatever works for you, is fine by me. Hope you have a gaggle of babies this year.

  4. Hey, Deb, neat to find you here! Sounds like we're doing much the same thing, just in a different part of the country. Funny how so many folks I used to know from the D.C. area have ended up in Austin! If you get a chance, go see anything at the Vortex theatre that Morgana (Bonnie) writes or directs -- I think she's doing the latest incarnation of her Dark Goddess series, Oceana, in May. Always good stuff.

    Some older pics at the website below (including a few of you and your lovely spouse, from Y2K party), and some more recent (but still not current, sigh) pics here: http://gallery.me.com/chelidon

  5. Hey girlfriend, are you starting to hear the book in these posts too? Expand a little, give yourself about a three page entry each time and you've been writing your own version of ENSLAVED BY DUCKS.

    The project for my Master Gardener's course is building a square foot victory garden from scratch. Check out Mel Bartholomew's SQUARE FOOT GARDENING. Lots of info in a condensed space. Start looking at biorational insect and fungus control too. www.groworganic.com


  6. @warren - my legs are so white right now, poor geese can't be blamed for thinking it might be another goose.

    @Chance - nah, the geese are fairly harmless as far as geese go. Or I'm fairly stupid. Hmm. I'll get back to you on that.

    @S_Vandemore: abandon all hope ye who try to talk sense into me... but no babies this year. If all goes well, the sale from the eggs will cover their feed for the year!

    @Chelidon: thanks for the Vortex info. Caught Kira and Traci in Troades there last year.

    @Lizard: You are too kind, m'lady :-). I've heard alot of good things about square-foot gardening, will check it out!

  7. You seen this? Today at Boing Boing,
    crazy ass Canada goose attacks (repeatedly) man and dog in boat, then pursues them as they flee.


  8. @virgotex: LMFAO! The guy must have been near the next.


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